Last night was difficult. I exhibited old behaviours which I detest. I got pissed off after waiting to talk with Kris and verbally lashed out at her on FB. I was hurting and she was too tired to talk with me about it. This morning I sent my apologies but I'm sure she won't have time to both read it and send me a note saying it was OK. When I lash out like that it's the tense filled time the next day waiting and waiting. I equate these feeling to when I drank and knew I had done something bad or painful to others the night before, Exactly the same thing by asking forgiveness after the fact. So bloody painful and unnecessary. This behaviour keeps cropping up and I know that I must figure it out and stop it before I use my words to last out cause this pain for others and myself.
Finally got out of this bloody apartment and to a scooter ride to the store. Bought something nutricious for my dinner tonight. I'm so friggin sick of Rice crackers again. I shared a couple of words with Kris this afternoon as she is just now facing the most difficult challenge with her divorce situation. My heart is crossed for her to get through this and have offered to talk should she wish to later. Time will tell but I really don't expect her to today. Maybe tomorrow or the next day.
Just putting in the hours waiting for something, anything to come along to help me through this alone time. I'm in a 'funck' and can't seem to pull myself out of it. Shit, it is what it is.
Haven't heard anything about Kris's challenges today and I really don't expect to. I have asked and hope she can reply as to how she is because I am very concerned for her and her son as well. I hope she does but am not overly confident she will. She will contact me I know whenever she feels able and capable which does help me to feel a little better.
Nothing else happening tonight but I did have a nice sisterly chat with my brother earlier and that obviously makes me feel good also. So I'll just pass the evening with hopes and feel all the graditude for all that is with the beautiful weather, the calming of my brother and the health of my parents and kids.
I finally did hear from Kris and she's good. Things went a little better than she ever expected which means other stuff will be moving ahead as well. I'm so very happy for her and relieved as well. I've asked that we can talk a bit more tonight when she gets back to her own home so I can't tell her some things that I have not had a chance to over the last few days. I'm hopeful that this will actually happen. Time will again tell ..... so I have some hope for this evenings passing of time.
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