I'm 53 and am so tatally sick of my 'monthly'. You'd think they would have come up with something by now in the medical world to stop this woman thing once you know for sure you're not going to have/want any more kids.I was 36 when my 3rd and FINAL child popped out and into this somewhat crazy world. So why is it that I had to endure almost 20 more years of cramps, mood swings, sore boobs and often somewhat irrational behaviour? Well, I think it must have something to do with men!! If they had to endure a menstral cycle I bet you'd rest assured that they would have definitely developed something to at least help it move along much quicker. Just a thought I often think about in the middle of each and every period I have to endure. Oh well, I try to keep repeating my mantra that Life is what it is & keep on moving forward as best I can.
I also went to the grocery store to buy milk. Bombing around on my battery powered Scooter. The leaves are all changing colours and are georgous but it is getting cooler each day. I'm a little depressed with winter coming since I'll have to put the scooter away. Winter forces me into hibernation due to the MS and the getting darker & darker each day can be a little overwhelming. Again, life is life ( at least in Canada).
I'm starting up with a 'Life Coach' to try and help me meld my inner life with my outer life. This is an area I had thought I'd successfully accomplished doing but recent events in my life have made me painfully aware that it's still a powerful 'disconnect' and I need to deal with it. I've also realized that I am so very painfully lonely and crave to find a woman That could hopefully invoke passion and intimacy within me. God knows this and knows it's been life long issue for me. I'm scared that I have allowed my life to become what it is. I am scared that my inner most intimate feelings will never be expressed to another human being. I am scared of my lack of self esteem. I am scared that I will die without feeling these feelings. Maybe this has something to do with my depressions.
I know there is one life long issue that I've never ever spoken alout about. I know I should seek out a professional doctor but I don't know if I'll ever be ready or able to. It may be something I only had fantacies about. It isn't an issue anymore in the sense that it is in my subconscious thoughts but maybe because I've never talked about it It still bothers me, I must give this some more thought to see what I want to do about it....
You know, the more I allow myself to commit my thoughts to writing I think I'm really going to get into it. I hope so but I also know that I'm a quiter of just about everything I do. A pattern in life that I'm not proud of and wish that it wasn't so.......until the next time......DJ
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