I want to plan a nice little trip to Toronto to attend a CSL Service but it's proving to be a real pain in the ass for me. I spoke this morning with my contact there and am having not as much luck on finding things out as I had hoped too. I've sent emails to my nephews to see if they can help me a little bit but I really don't expect to hear back from them either. So all and all I'm just know my frustrations are only going to get worse and worse and I'll most likely not get to go. On days like this I hate my illnesses, I almost hate my life. I know if I try to pursue this I'll probably begin to emotionally suffer quite a bit and I really can't afford to have that happen either. I just want to be normal and pursue the life I want and need but fuck it all nothing I do is easy and natural. God Damn it all .........
I briefly got to see/talk to Kris via Skype but that was a disaster as well. Bad connections and kept dropping off. So really didn't help much. She's so busy with her life she never even asked me about my talk CSL this morning which kind of hurts. I know I shouldn't allow my emotions to interfere with any chat with Kris but sometime, especially today, I can't help it. I don't think we'll reconnect later today either and again that is upsetting me a bit. Not greatly but enough to bug me.
I work at the hospital tomorrow morning at 8 so hope the weather is good so I can scooter up there and not have to call a cab but I will if I have too.
Nothing else on for the rest of the day/evening so I just sit here and watch stupid TV and read on and off.....I am grateful for the beautiful day today and all that is good in my life which is really a lot just hope I can get these frustrations I'm feeling in the right perspective
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