Nov.17/13 Real Blizzardly Day Today

Work this morning was really productive and enjoyable. The time passed nicely and I was able to totally manage without the cane. I only got shaky at the end while waiting for the buss to pick me up. Other than that little minor situation I got home safe and sound on the horribly cold, dangerously windy day full of rain and Ice pellets. While preparing lunch I discovered that my sugars were way too low. Didn't notice the symptoms which hasn't happened in a long time. Took care of what I needed to do then ate and settled in for the rest of the afternoon. Chatted with Quinton and Carmenie before lunch which was nice. Then I did a stupid thing by not noticing I had already smoked my last Cigarette before I ate. Can't take the scooter out and I refuse to pay $12 to call a cab to go about 8 blocks. So I lowered myself and called my Brother. He was not happy and very reluctant to buy me a pack but he did agree and will drop of said pack later this afternoon. What a rotten thing for me to ask him to do. He hates that I smoke and by asking him I've put in a position of having to say yes even though he doesn't want to. His wife would have no problem saying know but that's her and we don't like each other much anyways. So I'll have to get another pack tomorrow afternoon somehow even though I only have quarters left until I can get to the bank in a few days time. This smoking is really burning up a lot of my very limited budget and beginning to cause problems for me. Somehow I have to get my finances built back up and soon so I can buy my parents Xmas gifts as well as my brother. I'll figure out how to get things right again soon.

We're experiencing some of the tornado like winds that devastated parts of the northern states yesterday. Certainly no where as bad but a lot of damage done in Ontario and very windy here in the Sound as well.

I asked my brother to buy me cigarettes and drop them off to me. That was very hard on my brother to do that and will not ask him to do it again. It`s very unfair of me and very difficult for my brother to say no to me. I do not want to hurt him anymore that I do because of my smoking. He is afraid for my health and that is why it upsets him so.

I just remembered that I have homework to do before tomorrows therapy so will tackle that sometime between now and this evening. I want to ensure I`m prepared for tomorrows discussions. I meant to do it on the weekend but of course I forgot. I have to make sure that I don`t forget for future session  as this is very much a part of the program that I need to master if I want to be successful.

That`s all for the rest of the day for me so will post this now and not forget to do so later. I have gratitude for a good day at work and for the friends that I chat with on a fairly regular basis. I am also very grateful for my time alone with myself and my thoughts. I`m more peaceful with this now than I really ever was even though I always said I was when really all I was doing was trying to convince myself and others or just plainly lying to myself and others. My happiness with myself has really helped me to know that right now I truly believe this to be the correct reality that I`m living. I really truly believe this to be the case now.