Feb.04/14 Went a little radical with the hair

today was very very long but really good. Group this morning was good. I talked about my very difficult weekend about wanting to die and how I reached out to someone that totally relates to what I was going through. I wasn't going to bring it up and reasured them that I was in a safe place now , not then but am now. I talked about how I went so low and then so high in a 24 hour period. I talked about trying to not go there and utilizing what I've learned about in with Margo and then with the group. I talked about wanting to have one on one council again and how much I miss having it. I talked about my refusal to going to the hospital because of the horible experience that last time. I talked about you have to have your suicidal thinking btwn 9am and 3pm because aftward this is absolutely no crisis councilor on staff to deal with. I did get a new number to call and talk with someone outside of the Crisis hotline in Ottawa., a newly established CMHA hotline number that's answered 24/7 but again it's over the phone and not a face to face situation. But I guess it's better than nothing. There was a little discussion about seeing if I can arrange to maybe meet with margo one on one every 3 wks or so like before but don't really anticipate that that will work either.

The afternoon was the all time best for me. I finally had a new friend die my hair, put another colours  in it very subtly, had it cut and I love it it so much. It suites me and I've never ever had it professionally done. It's a little bit radical but not at all outrageous. My kids all think it really suits me and for me that's all that counts. I have embarrassed them in the past with some things I've done to my hair over the years. He did this for me for only $20 and I gave him a $5 tip. If I had it done at a salon it would have easily cost me near $100 bucks which I could never ever affort. I've been in such a contented and joyful mood even thought really tired. I will be happy from this for a long time to come.

I have stupendous gratitude for what Ed and Susan did for me today. So much gratitude for speaking up during group this morning and a very healthy dose of gratitude for the time Kris has to chat this evening. We both really got alot out of our talking. I am so grateful to have been able to enjoy and absorb so many differing things as the day progressed. Namaste