A Gorgeous Day but Still Shit of an ending

Awoke this morning with lots of promise for a most beautiful Sunny cool day. The snow is melting so fast it's wonderful to actually watch the progress. Submitted a complaint of another horrible resident who has been verbally harassing me from the day I moved in here. She is rude, pushy and generally obnoxiously threatening. I so hate complaining to mamagement on people but this lady really is a very angry person and is very much known to be a real trouble maker with so many other residents here. last nights interaction surpassed my tolerance of her and I reported the incident details directly to the Executive Director. It is now late evening Friday night and I've hit some very serious lows over the last couple of days. I was so worried about my emotional state last night that I reached out to the crisis line to try and get a councillor who can help me get trough this transitional period. I am so missing Margo and her calming approach to keeping me balanced in rough times. Old behaviours are nearing the explosion point and I am terribly afraid of the consequences for me and for others around me. I was seen early this morning by my new GP on an emergency basis. She will find a social worker with BPD experience, a female (I`ve had too many bad experiences with Male Doctors over the years that I refuse to go to them)I know I`m limiting myself by these requirements but it is what it is. My GP now knows and understands me so she will try to find me one that takes OHIP as I can not afford to pay for this myself. Her office will call and let me know who and when I can get some much needed help. Today, Saturday, began very happily but as noon approached my state of mind got a lot worse. Everything I've touched I've broken or at least screwed up thus bringing on uncontrollable spillage to many tears. I had my son call me and he said he would come right away and try to fix my New TV and get it working for me. There are other things I need him to do for me but as it is I've sort of screwed up his plans a little for today. I hate interfering in their lives, I feel so useless and needy and stupid when I can't figure things out for myself. This happens way to often but I just can't do things properly until I get things locked into my memory. For me, this is a huge and often painful experience for me and subsequently for my kids. I'm only 55yrs old and I have the memory and body issues of an 80yr old. I guess there really won't be too many surprises for me as I age since I already experience most of them now, It's shitty and unfair but as I keep reminding myself and my Faith 'It is what It is'. Some days those words comfort me but days like today they frustrate me endlessly! Well the day just couldn't end quietly nor peacefully last night. The woman that has been harassing me really did it to me last night and I so totally lost control of myself and yelled, swore badly and generally behaved horribly with venom spewing from me. Exact old behaviour that I was so afraid would come out of me. I'm ashamed and embarrassed by this outburst but I am not going to let this ruin my day. I only have a day or two left before my own WIFI is installed and I will no longer have to leave the confines of my Apartment and deal with this woman any more. Thank goodness for this as I really don't think I could handle too much more. I have tremendous gratitude for the staff that understands what has been going on here and are helping me with this situation. Of course my gratitude is boundless towards my kids who are doing so much in helping me get settled in. They are my life and I just really hope I don't overstep their boundaries as I know I can easily do.