Insights

I had some very clear revelations into my phsyci & subconscious this morming that is making me think. I'm not sure what this means but It must mean something. Again I did not get up until almost 12:30pm .... I'm sleeping about 12 hours a night on average which is not really that normal for a person of my age. As I got up the phone started to ring and it was my Mom. We talked a bit about my sleeping habit and I started to say that I must enjoy my dream sleep more than my awake hours since it it seems alot more interresting than my real life.  This is deep. This is scary. This is not what a life should be like. This is somewhat scary. This writing down my thoughts everyday is something I now realize I should have been doing for a long long time to keep me focussed. To keep me living in the now. I'm so filled with desire to keep on writing to myself but my thoughts a screaming at such a high velocity that I can't reign them into a logical strean of consciousness. This self revelation is both very scary and friggin wonderful I'm really not sure how to deal with it all. Should I seek out professional help or should I just stay on this path that I'm on? I've done the phsychiatrist, phsycologist. routes before and they made me more fucked up than before I started with them. I really don't think I have it in me anymore to keep doing that. There isn't really anything that I need to have some professional stir up and guide me through. I know that the only person that can and will help me is ME and me alone. I just have to keep the dialogue flowing with myself to help me navigate some of these disturbing curves. I know what it feels like to happy again. I know that sometimes I don't feel so great emothionly but who really does anyway, God there is so much more I want to talk to myself about but I'm just now trying find the best way to continue dialogueing and to have this dialogue be both therapeutic and uplifting, I really am hoping that I'll be able to succeed ... I think at this point I will succeed. I'm motivated to succeed ... Yes dear self I love you and have faith in you !!!