Starting to settle I hope

Another weekend is coming to an end....My roller coaster continues to speed along and my life is still out of control. I really wonder what the hell is going on. I have no fucking idea at all. My love is growing so out of control. My fantasy world is totally blowing my mind. My passions are so so so fickle and intense. My diabetes is fluctuating wildly. My MS random leg pains are causinng me grief. My hormones are wicked.....I feel just so damned fucked up and weird, or a least more weird than normal. I'm patiently waiting for my love to reach out so we can quickly jump into yet another wildly erotic fun and exciting fantasy together. I won't get much chance to talk or play with her for the next week as she is leaving to visit family and tend to her gravely ill mother. Imeet with my councillor later this week and don't know where or how to begin to explain what's been happening over the last month or so.....Just to god damned much mixed with nothing at all. It's wild. It fun and erotic. It's romantic like never before experience;. I'm screwing around with my foods and insulin intakes. I just don't understand. it's all so WOW. Tomorrow I'll try so hard to begin figuring some of this out. It's my 53 birthday tomorrow but birthdays don't really mean much of anything anymore. If my love were miracoulously with me I'd celebrate with her in some very private and intimate way that would please us both. Ha, once again that ain't the case because it ain't my reality either...Oh well, until we see what tomorrows brings today is what I celebrate and where I need to be.....