Today was Mental Health Awareness in Canada

This was the 3rd year for this very public programming to try to bring Mental Awareness out into the open and to be discussed by all persons. Those that suffer (like me), family members that also suffer but often don't know how or what to do to help, friends and co-workers or teachers. Being a person that has suffered all my life but not realizing it until my mid 40's when I wanted to die and end the misery I couldn't seem to break away from. I had young kids, was in a marriage that I knew wasn't what I'd tried so hard to portray, a Job that was profitable but I truely hated, and a struggling lesbian whom did not realize or consciously accept. So what was there left to do for me. I wanted out, I wanted peace, I wanted to just go to sleep and never wake up. The first time I was checked into a psych Hospital Unit I was only verbally threatening I was suicidal. While in there I could not reveal some things that I needed to and the night before I was to be released I overdosed on my insulin intake and was a real mess. I had pissed the nursing staff of as well. They let me go home.  I new that I couldn't deal with being home and got worse and worse. My ex and I spent a day trying to get me seen by a doctor once again and when we finally did he sent me home again. I knew as I was walking out of that hospital that I was going to overdose once alone at home which is what I did. I took a handful of pills I was sent home with from the hospital. I easily could have taken an overdose of tylenol 3s which were right beside the ones I took and only came to the understanding, much later after alot of help, that I really didn't want to die but that I was screaming for someone to see and understand that I was in such an awful place in my mind. Once the doctor finally got me to confess what I wanted but could not do she met with my Husband to discuss it all with him. From that day I never returned to my home, never to live with my children again, for a period of time not being able y to see my kids without my husband or my parents being present. I understood why this had to be this way. Nobody could totally say that if my depression went so deep that I might try to take my children with me into the void of nothingness. I would never ever ever think of that in my right sane mind but depression takes you to insane places that can be extremely unpredictable. I readily agreed to this and spent the next few years proving that I was better before my husband agreed and lifted these restrictions off of me. Anyway todays awareness really helps me to see how far I've come, how blessed I am for surviving this insidious desease and to always remain vigilent and cautious of all signs that I am slipping which I have done so alot. Long periods of being good and happy but always interspersed with episodes of varying levels of depression. For me this is another Chronic desease that I must battle daily but to battle is to stay alive and alive is what I want to be.....I want to see my children marry and have their own children. I can't wait to be a loving doatting grandmother and to be called nanny....There is so much in life to look forward to and keep striving for all of it and not give in and let the disease win over me