I haven't been to inpired to write and obviously haven't for quite a while. I'm still not really wanting to but I know it's good for me if I do. I haven't seen my therapist for awhile and am really quite nervous about seeing her. I was given something to do in the interim and have found it hard. I researched what I was to do but just can't seem to recognize when something is happening that I should. I know if I can't get this figured out then there will really no point in continueing with her. I so desparately want to work on this because I know that it will help me in some way and help me on my journey to better myself. Anyway, I don't see her until next monday so I have time to get it done.
My relationship with Kris is very much alive and for the most part well. We now try to skype daily because any other way seems so archaic and too slow. I miss our fantasy conection that was very much a part of our experience with each other. She feels, and rightly so, that we can't not resume this until she gets her life into more order. I have broken my total agreement with this on several occsions now and have been deparately trying to get her to to see it as I see it. This has been very hard on both of us because I know she wants to embark on those journeys with me but she just can't and won't. I've been pretty rough on her by my desparation and needs. But we have been able to talk it through and keep moving in a possitive way. I love her and she knows it so very clearly and I know that she loves me too. So the journey continues and I really want this to continue as long as it can. She knows so clearly that she is so totally the person I've always dreamed of finding. She represents absolutely the most beautiful loving caring woman I could ever be so blessed to befriend and love. I'm mushy because she makes me be this way. If I could, I'd grab her and hug her and kiss her and never ever let her go. What a beautiful dream to think that just maybe this might someday be a reality. I will always hope........
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