May 22/13 Progress is slow but good

Today has been really thundery and golfball size rains. I had to to go downtown on my scooter and got soaked to the bone. I cancelled my quit smoking meeting but called and talked to him saying I'm going back on the patch late tonight since doing it without only lasted a week the boom yesterday I failed again. As things are seeming to begin to work out with my friend. We still have to talk to see how we will make this friendship work for both of us. Today might have been the day to actually talk but things are not going as planned since her husband has had a very rough and scary day so far. She and he were both horribly shakened by events that happened so I'm sure we will get the chance to talk this out another time in the near future. I hope things calm down for the both of them to continue with the healing prossess to continue. I know only to well how surgeries can be so hard on one and very scary as well. I'm home for the durration now and will not venture out again until tomorrow hopefully. I'll continue to update as the day continues and will hopefully have nicer things to talk about....until later....stay tuned Well it is now 4:30pm and things have most definitely started looking better, My friend and I talked on the phone a short while ago and It was a good talk. We have established certain things that I can't talk to her about and she clarified some things I had done that are certainly not acceptable to her either. We've established a code word to bring any conversation to a halt should it start to become dangerous for either of us and That is a very good thing and a much needed thing to make this work. I told her how abandoned I had been feeling but that my councellor and I were working on this and I'd hopefully be able to handle feeling abandoned like I had felt from her. So, we have now set our boundaries, we are both feeling positive that we once again start building and supporting this friendship. I'm sure there is other stuff to discuss over time but I am hopeful that I can adhere to our agreements and begin to thrive once again in a much healthier and happyier state of friendship.....I can not promise that I won't have depressions ever again because I will. That is just so much a part of my life but with these new guidelines In place I will be able to function and feel needed as I once did. So deana this is good .... no tears, no anger, no humiliation and that is all so very good.....I'm smiling to myself and feel good about myself....just stay focussed on what is truley important here and do the best you can possibly do. Also, hopefully I'll be ready someday soon to start back on my spiritual Journey again or at least tune into the CSL group in toronto to watch and learn from their services....one can only hope I am so amused that 12 countries are following this blog. I just hope that it is a help to some others out there as I know how helpful to me this is !!!