July 10/13 Feeling all the Good in my Life

I haven't written much for the last several days as I've undergone some pretty incredible revelations and experiences. I haven't been able to find the words for what and how I want to chronicle this so that whenever I read back I want to have my words really convey my feelings and everything else. Last Sunday afternoon my life changed forever. Not a change in the physical sense but rather in a profound spiritual sense. My whole life, my existence, my being all came together with such clarity and awesomeness that I can't imagine anything like it could possibly compare or surpass this singular moment in time for me. I was sort of able to convey what had happened and how I feeling to my very dear friend so I'll paste it here, now:

OMG kris I have just totally realize what's happening to me. I don't know if I can put words to what I now know but Im going to try. I know that you will understand me. I just realized a miracle has be happening to me. With this disability disorder My whole life is now so poignantly crystal clear. My life until now makes total and complete sense. I'm hearing what the universe has done. I'm realizing that you and Margo were put in my path for me to do just what I've been doing. It has not so gently at times forced me to open my eyes and see, open my ears and hear what I so needed to see and hear. The universe has guided me to a place and readied me to learn. I see it now. I feel it now. My crossing your path the universe used u to guide me to cross paths with Margo and the universe knew that Margo was the one to open this door enlightenment and the light is shining so vividly bright and is surrounding me with warmth and security and blessed joy. I'm bursting out of myself. I am excited and am so very grateful. My head is bursting with words but I just can't express all that I'm feeling and thinking. The meditations that are calming me, the discussions with u about my sexuality and learning to love myself to keep coming back to you to learn so much more from the first really true friendship in my life. I had to fall in love with you and discover that it was the image of you. I know  it was the universes plan to keep me coming back to you to finish learning from you which will never cease. There was so much to learn and today, not last Friday in Margo's office was/is the day that I have been able to piece everything the Universe was drawing me to see and feel. There are no words to express the very deep feelings within my soul, within my heart. I'm feeling so much Kris. I'm overwhelmed with gratitude. Everything has been leading me to this very point in time. Today, for the first time ever in my life I am feeling normal. I am feeling confident. I am feeling that that I joined my inner life with my outer life. I am not longer feeling scared or an imposter of who or what I was trying to portray. Today, even though there is still much work to be done, I feel whole and lovable and loving....OMG right here, right now right this very second WOW is the expression I want and need to scream from the skys.l...I thank you so much for being so very integral in my lifes journey and sticking with me even though I did so many times try to push you out. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU I love you Kris and I will always love you my friendl !!!!!!!!!!!!! <3 Always and forever


Other stuff has happened and is happening but right now things are not so good with me. I'm alright but a little upset about the status of my friendship as a situation arisen with which is weighting on my conscious mind this evening and I have to figure out where I now stand and how I'm going to deal with  some feelings of being used once again. Tomorrow maybe I'll have a clearer picture of what's what and where it is heading. Of course it's my friend Kris once again...so for tonight I'll end with expressing my deepest gratitude towards my visitor from CSLToronto this morning and really enjoying her visit to my Apartment and bringing a lot of reading material on spirituality. I rarely have visitors here and her visit was so inspiring and encouraging. She prayed for me before she left and being a lover of giving hugs I asked her if I could give her a hug and she returned it with warmth and feeling. There has not been anyone for me to discuss this monumental visit with which pains me but it does help expressing it here, in this format. Not great but OK.....until tomorrow then and whatever the new day brings forth for me........