Another very busy good day. I saw my GP and my foot care lady today. More drugs and ointments via my pharmacy and more costs. OH well, such is my life. I had some time to kill between appointments so I decided to spend a little time in the cities sex shop. I met an very nice person who is in the process of transitioning and we talked a little. I decided to be totally open and honest about my problems with self masturbation. I've never really succeeded in that area of my body but so want to!! Anyways, I bought a couple of things that I would try out later once I returned home. Needless to say I decided later in the afternoon to give it a try. Although the session certainly aroused me but once again I did not reach my objective. So once again I was left with a decidedly frustrating conclusion which kind of bothered me a little bit but I'm ok with this. Not much I can do about it all except maybe next time I'm really feeling the need to attempt to do something things just might be different. I've always had issues surrounding this part of my body. Issues with men and the one woman I actually had a sexual connection with. All have been a bust for me which is a very sad aspect of my life. Only with one woman have I achieved what I believed to be a climax but that was a while ago. Although we never had actually met and had any semblance of a relationship I felt safe enough to trust her implicitly. Maybe that's the key to my problem. Trust and complete open discussion with no fear of shame or embarrassment of the issues that have haunted me for years and years. I certainly can't say for sure what's wrong with me but at least I learned from this woman that should I ever find another woman that totally takes my inhibitions and fears out of the equation that maybe, just maybe, I'll find the joy and euphoria of being with and making love with another. At least now with my spirituality growing and growing I'm learning to not look for the why's and why nots and to just live and let live. As I said a number of days ago I'm hopeful that the universe will guide me to someone, someday if I remain open to the universes plan for me and recognize it when it does happen. I have my faith and hope in tact which I never had before.
So what am I grateful for today. Many many things. I grateful for opening up to a couple of people today about my issue. I am grateful to the Universe for guiding me as it has. I am grateful for my GP for caring about me and my many aillments and issues. I am just simply grateful for all the understanding and compassion of so many people I've met.
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