Aug.3/13 Don't feel so Wonderful Today

I am feeling so lost today. I'm healthy and I don't feel any depressive symptom's. I'm just having this feeling of being lost. Maybe it's cabin fever or maybe it's just part of my period. I'm just feeling lost and lonely. I've been closed within the walls of my apartment for days because of the weather not being too co-operative for the last little while. I haven't been to the hospital to volunteer since the department has been shutdown for the last couple of weeks for vacation time. So I've not done a goddamned thing really. Thank goodness for my friend keeping me thrilled with her vacation in Disney World and sending me so many wonderful pictures. Since I didn't think she would have any time while away she really surprised me. We actually were able to chat a bit when she awoke very early before her son and husband were awake. I have been so grateful to her for doing this for me. However, she flew home today and her sister, her best friend, flew in from RI to spend 4 days with her. So I know we won't be talking much and again with nothing planned on my schedule until the 7th. I finally get to speak with my councillor on that day for a little short time. I really can't wait to talk with her. I need to learn more of her thoughts on this Borderline Personality Disorder thing that has been on my mind for such a long time now. I need to talk with her about this. Also, I've really been smoking so much and really think I'm trying to make myself so sick of them that I'll be ready to quit. I don't think this is working in my favour though. Time will just have to tell.....I am lost but I'll just have to ride these feelings out and see where they take me. I do hope that maybe later I will feel the desire that I've had in the past to hold still long enough to meditate but I just am not feeling the desire right now. Please, Universe, help me with this, I know I need this to keep peace within my soul. Tomorrow is CSL at 11am and I am looking forward to that at least.....