Ahhh I seem to be coming back to this format of expression faster than I thought I would or even could. Up early heading off to hospital Weekly group therapy. Decided to risk the weather and took off on my Scooter which I had recharged last evening. So fully charged off I went early so as to get HbA1c blood test done before the start of group. So once done I headed off to group feeling fairly good but not really wanting to share to much. I handed over to Margo my Homework due for this friday's one-on-one session so I would not forget to bring it on Friday. Reviewed homework for this weeks group which I couldn't get done but took alot of notes. As Peter was away another young therapist joined Margo to run the group. She was great and really helped everyone there on various things. I really gained an awful lot from her and told her so and thanked her for being there with us. One thing led to another and I was unloading so much shit and fell apart emotionally quite badly Alot of tears, shame and embaressment because I keep falling into this same trap of self destruction (Carm, Joan, Katie and almost Kris). There was good feedback for the group as well as the coaches. I'm very afraid I'll lose it in public again and was given some things to reinforce by rereading stuff before tomorrow nights Pride Meeting. Running from my obligations and people I've hurt or been hurt by is an all pervasive thought but am going to show up tomorrow night and persevered and stay quiet.
As I was leaving the hospital ran into Glen and he told me that mom had to go to the emergency because of her emotional stress was just to handle. She is being setup with a Crisis Councillor to see her through this and will also have interim help come to the house while waiting to get into a councilor. I am so happy with these plans. She spoke with a Crisis Councilor at the hospital this morning for a good half hour and with her help started putting all this into place for Mom. I'm so totally behind this plan for mom to be able to talk about anything and all things separate from family as this will help her feel less isolated and alone with this crisis.
Asked Kris is she could Skype with me late this afternoon because I could not type everything to her with clarity and precision. Although very busy and very tired she Skyped me and we talked for a good 40 minutes. I expressed my deep gratitude for Kris doing this and felt quite a bit calmer, as always, after talking and listening to her calmness. Thank you Kris for being this person for me.
I guess this pretty much covers the important things that were happening today. So to end with my Gratitude list: God I am so grateful for so many things touching my life. My Parents, My Big Bro, Kris, Margo, all the ladies in my group. Even random strangers in the hospital so willing and cheerful helping me on and off the Elevators with my Scooter. I am grateful to be alive and living each day whether it's a bad day or a good day. Thank You Universe to looking out for and over me !!!
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