If have not been able to write my blog and am having great difficult getting back in my Routine again. Tonight it is clear to me that I need to do my gratitude list because right now I am experiencing many debilitating physical issues. I am scared and upset with what's happening to me. I am losing a lot of my independence and have had to face this and ask for professional help again. For so long now I was steadily progressing in so many ways but I am having great difficulty keeping up with all my commitments. My Body is not supporting me right now. I'm falling and losing my balance badly. My speech is slowing down and very difficult because I've started to mumble my words and studder badly. I have to use my cane all the time and my body spasms a lot. I was speaking at a City Council a few nights ago and saw the YouTube broadcast. I saw myself and was literally shocked to see myself as others see me. I knew I was having a lot of difficulty but did not realize how others saw me until I saw this. I'm scared of what's to come for me now more than ever. Terrified is more closely says how I feel right now.
So I need to express my gratitude to and for the ones who are valiantly trying to help me ride this out. First and foremost I am grateful for my Brother for all his help and love he has given me surrounding all this. I am grateful to my Friend Kris for giving the time she has throughout her own extreme pain and issues she's been going through. I am grateful to a few friends I've made here for trying to help and am grateful, more than grateful to another vey disabled woman the despite all her pain is the most passionate giving woman I've ever had the opportunity to befriend. She is extremely comforted in religion and soul and always always help me so very much. I love this person within my heart and soul and we spend many hours talking about so many different things. She understands me and I understand her because of what we both have been through with our illness. I never ever want to lose this special woman that I have been blessed to meet and get to know. I am also filled with gratitude to my various Doctors and health care practitioners who continue to help me when I go to them for help. This City has been so good for my soul for almost 3yrs now. I have another 2yrs here before I have to move back to Ottawa and start all over again there. But I'll be near my Kids and that is the most important thing for to begin focusing on. I am grateful to my 3 kids for keeping in touch by phone or Skype as much as they can in their very very busy lives.
So one can see why I so needed to do this tonight. It's been too long overdo and sooner rather than later I will get to this because I know it is so important for/to me. I'll be back hopefully soon and once again end my day doing this. NAMASTE to anyone who may actually follow this blog
No comments:
Post a Comment