I just can't seem to stay away from the crazy caos in my daily life. It's like a magnet so forcefully pulling me in. Drawing me towards it with a force so strong I can keep away. I am always apologizing for my actions and words and I know how to avoid it, to maintain living within the boundaries that I should but suddenly 'wise mind' is thrown out like the throwing of bath water with the baby down the proverbial drain. I am in such a great group therapy process to learn these new ways and I am learning, believe me I am. But shit happens and I just can't seem to help falling so quickly into the old behavioural behaviours that are so destructive to myself and others. I hate this. I despise it so have six more months in group to make and apply all that I am being taught with the hopes that I too will become much more proficient and successful at implementing into my unconscious, automatic behaviours. Wish me luck and confidence in achieving my goals for a better, calmer, happier life. That is all I want, all I need to help guide me through the last 3rd of my life.
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