holding on for dear life

Today I hope to get something down in writing here. I've been wanting to but haven't had the energy to face this. So much has gone on with me and my life back here in Ottawa and just didn't want to face it in this cold black lettering that this format allows me. Of course there has been some very good and exciting things happening but I'm saddened to say not near enough. I'm finding myself in a frequent state of 'fear' which is very much like I use to be. I'm finding it hard to revel in my glorious spiritual being and service which I love so much. This scares me the most I think. My health has been slipping at times daily and this scares me too. Although I once again have my 'Freedom Mobile' back and ready to use I am having trouble summing up much interest in using it. I have made a few attempts at finding someone on one of the online dating services but with my illnesses and not having a vehicle I have little hope in being able to pursue this venue. I told my daughter the other day when we had our first business meeting with her being my Power of Attorney and telling her that I am very scared with the prospect of being alone for the rest of my life. I want to find someone to share growing old with in some capacity or other. I think she understands this even at her tender age of 25. She is a very caring compassionate woman and I know how lucky I am having her in my life. But she is after all just embarking on her own very exciting very busy young life herself and can only help me so much. She said she will look into eHarmony to see if I can afford to register with it as it is a very reputable service. My Nephew actually met his now wife through them. Anyway I have to see if I can afford this or not. So once again something else I'm very scared and worried about. I guess this whole move thing has me to freaked out and often upset about will, I hope, eventually calm down enough for me to find my way again. Unfortunately it isn't there yet but I am keeping my faith and prayers strong and frequent for me to find it and find the happiness I had before all this life altering transition began.