A lot of Good things are a Happinin these last few Days

I have signed up for Eharmony dating service. The thought of living the rest of my life alone and lonely is bothering me somewhat. I'm not looking for a full one intimate relationship, although if it happens that would be so wonderful. I'm not nieve enough to think my MS wouldn't get in the way but I because it would. I did mention in the biography that I do have it but didn't dwell on it. Time will tell if something comes of this. I hope so. I need someone close and special in my life. I've been alone for so many years and know I don't want to be forever. Of course I am looking for a woman between 45 and 60. I have made the decision to quit smoking and have bought the smoking patches and will begin very soon. I'm doing it because I feel like shit all the time now and have started the 'smokers hack' over the last year or so. I also just can't afford to smoke and really need to focus on my funding availability now that is costing me so much money to live in this place. I have been searching for new spiritual groups and have found a couple that sound very interesting to me. One I'm going to a seminar on the 24th and since I don't drive I posted I would like a ride if anyone going lives near me. Two people replied within minutes of the post and I will now be able to get there and back safely. I'm looking forward to seeing and participating with like minded people. The other group I've found is downtown and meets weekly for meditation and discussions. This one is much harder to get too so have to really figure out if I can actually go and check it out. At least I'm now ready to begin my searches as things have calmed down significantly. A few issues with Kris surrounding boundaries and Skyping came up the other night during a our visit via Skype. We have vastly different ideas of what Skype means to each of us. The session ended in frustration and sadness for me at least I though long and hard about this situation and came to the conclusion that communicating this way will never be solved as we are very different and far apart on what it means to us. So I decided it was time to drop her from my contact list I let her know via FB and since she never made any comment on this decision I assume she agrees. I just don't need the frustration that the method of communicating causes me and needed to end it. I wasn't too sure how Kris would feel but was very happy the next morning when there was a msg from her. So it's funny really that we've come full circle on the way we once again communicate This friendship began with Kris reaching out to me almost 4 years ago looking for information on how I had managed to stay friends with my Ex. Isn't it weird that I am no longer wanting anything to do with my husband and she is really making strides with her Ex and becoming friends again Life works in very mysterious ways does it not? My apartment does not get any sunlight from the outside and the dark walls are making it very dark, gloomy and depressing. I was told when I moved in here that the walls would be painted but at the time I said I could live with it the way it was. Of course O didn't know there would be no sunlight. I have put in a request to get my room repainted and won't get a response for a couple of weeks. The worst I can get is a no but if I didn't ask I would never know if they actually would. Time will tell I am angry and pissed off at my Ex Paul. He's acting like an 8yr old not getting his way. It always comes down to our Kids and what is 'Theirs' I have asked for and willing to pay for a couple ofpieces of my Grandmothers furniture that the have both treated with disrespect and have ruined over the years I've had to leave in their home after I got sick and left. This has happened with may pieces of furniture that was mine but he would not return to because the Kids were using it. This has always been a source of great anger between both him and I. But the last straw has been my grandmothers furniture and how it's been treated. He can restore it allbut hasn't bothered and believes It should be given to the kids. I reminded him I'm not dead yet and if the kids really want these tables they've never taken care of I want them and I am willing to pay for them. He got angry when I said this and actually said that he will charge me for storage fees for the last 14 years. That was the last straw and I told him to Fuck Off and realize how ridiculous he was being. I then hung up the phone because I would revert to old behaviours and make things worse. I don't want to go there anymore and my love and respect for this man is very much diminishing as my hate further deepens for him causing this friction between my Kids and me. I told my Oldest daughter about what he said and asked her to talk to her dad. She flat out refused too so stating that I shouldn`t ask her to intervene Oh the woes of ex's and children. It's a constant struggle to find balance and harmony when there are so many variables between everyone's lives, Right now it is low for me but this too shall pass and run the course it needs to before moving on.