I AM DONE!!! March 21/15

I AM DONE but not defeated by people I thought were friends. I AM DONE and I can safely say this now after days and weeks of self analysis that was brought on with recent events forcing me too look long and hard at this God Damned life of mine that I have no real control over. I AM DONE and ready and willing to continue moving forward without these people intersecting in my life anymore. I AM FEELING FREE with these decisions I've had to make. Facebook has not served me well because I can't eliminate certain people from showing up. If I was stronger I wish I could just get rid of Facebook once and for all. I wish I could just get rid of my computer but of course I won't because it is the only way I can stay in touch with the people I so far away from me. Unfortunately computers are part of life and we will never have the life I grew up in. I just spoke with my oldest daughter late this morning when she dropped in with my money for the next week. I told her I don't want to see or talk to her father anymore. I told her why and she says for now that is a good decision for me. I told her I will be cordial to him when there are occasions that we both have to be at but nothing more. She believes and hope that in time we can be friends of sorts but I don't want this and would so prefer not to see or be in his presence every again. I so wish that could be but I know it can't be so. There is after all Our daughters wedding and all that goes into that. I also told Kelsey what has gone on with Kris and that I am done with her as she is done with me and the rocky unhealthy relationship our friendship has always been. Kelsey is happy about this which I knew she would be. She has wanted me away from Kris for a very long time and will only accept my word as more and more time passes. She has a point in this as I have failed so many times in the past regarding this person in my life. I AM DONE and will stick to this conviction because it's so much more than just mere words can ever convey. I AM DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!! We talked about how tired and sad I've been by 'feeling' I am a burden to them by my being back here and how much I wish I'd never come home and how fucking hard accepting that I have literally and figuratively have no control in my life. I told her that I 'feel' how much of a burden. We talked about my need to have the 4 of us meet and discuss boundaries to figure out just how I will be able to find my place in their lives again especially since my MS and emotional stability are getting worse and will never get any better, just worse. FEAR is part of my life and is just under the surface all good and bad days. I am grateful, so very blessed that my kids are more balanced than I ever was at their age. They have been so good too me since I've come back. There's a lot of work to do to ensure I do as well as I can to not hurt or damage this strenuous link too my kids. YES, I AM DONE with some, struggling with some others but my love and soul just wants peace and joy in my relationships with each of my children to keep growing stronger and not begin to fade to a state of obligation for them. Again, time will tell and being DONE with a few of these people will certainly help me