Monday March 25 /15

This past weekend was very difficult and following last weeks emotional turmoil resulting from the death, wake and funeral of a friend from my past life with my Husband and my children I am now getting clear in my mind what I must do. Paul became someone like I've never really seen before and I'm pretty sure I now know now why. The Universe is guiding me through this to teach me some extremely difficult things and to help me get through what should have been done many years ago but I but couldn't be done. Now I'm seeing that I can, should and need to do this. I have decided that I need to initiate divorce proceedings to end both our pain. It is time. I am ready, I've resolved in my mind to put my husband behind me where I should have put him some 14yrs ago. As I've said I'm done and I mean to be done. I will take on the burden of financing this Cree myself so as not to cause any further pain, anger and hatred in the man I once loved so many years ago. Today I am at Peace with these realizations and decision's! I know in both my heart and soul it's time to end the pains and angers. I AM DONE but for all the right reasons now. My Daughter spoke with her father this morning and thinks he will bring my stuff in his truck to me. No mention of when but I certainly hope he does. If he does then I will begin having my Will changed and begin the Divorce process right away. Hopefully all this will be done and over with within a few months time. I am now at peace and I know the Universe has brought me so many lessons to learn that I needed to get to where I am today. I've realized not on divorcing and removing Paul from my will only be a never ending source of pain and anger. I also have learned that leaving Fitroy and all of my once good life there is necessary and must be left behind in memory only. Never to be visited again. The Universe has shown me that this is the right and proper thing to do and that I am now ready and able to do this to move on and settle into this new life I have here. It's time the Universe is telling me, it's time. Right now I am happy with peach, love and joyfulness in my heart and Know that I am strong enough to get through this. I am so grateful for reaching this point and hopefully knowing I can and will get it done!! No interaction as of yet with my other two children. They need time to figure out their own feelings and emotions for what has happened. I am more than willing to give them the time and space they need to figure out if and how they want me in their lives. I have faith it will work out and we will once again be a family of sorts. I just need to have patience and stay away from them to allow them whatever time they need to figure out what they truly want for themselves. I am more than grateful for what Kelsey has done to help me get to this point and for her interacting with Her Dad on my behalf. So very grateful.