Just before I head into the Weekend

Lots to say about the last few Days. The sudden death of a friend I was once very close with died of a heart attack early this morning. Last evening my Husband, a volunteer First Responder with the Fire dept. was called out to a golf course only to discover it was a very close dear friend. It was bad, real bad. It was men's night at the course and many friends from the village were there golfing with him. My ex got him to the local hospital which them sent him to the Heart Institute in Ottawa. We were all praying for him but he passed away early this morning. I am alone struggling with my deep grief tonight and full of many tears and sadness. My 3 kids have come to the side of this family and their shock and grief running errands and doing whatever is asked of them to do to help. I am proud of my children who are also deeply grieving this terrible loss. One never knows when life is taken from us and this, as I told my Mother when sharing this news with her, is why I always say I LOVE YOU when ever I am finishing a call. I've lost too many in my life, my sister most importantly, and was never able to tell her I loved her while she was alive. I have always been haunted by this so chose never to end a conversation with someone I love without ensuring the know and hear my feelings. It is very important for me to do this and have done so for 29 years now since my sister died so suddenly with her unborn child. I am alone in this grief, literally, and trying hard to reach out to others, especially my good friend Kris to help centre me but it is the long weekend and she will be spending most of her time with her new girlfriend so I don't think she'll have time to help me with this either. She gets me, she knows how sensitive I am and how I can and do react to sudden life altering tragedies. I so hope she can find it in her to reach out to me but I don't think she'll be on her facebook much over the weekend. She does have a life and a good life these days and I'm sure she doesn't really want or need to be brought down by my problems. Oh well, oh shit, oh life can be so retched in times of death. Namaste dear Terry you will be missed by so very many. Your soul has transitioned now and I will never ever forget the gentle fun loving man you were my old friend.