It's midnight and I''m so wound up that sleep is really not an option for me right now. I have this feeling that I'm about to spend this night drinking alot (don't worry it's just diet pepsi, no alcohol for the former addict) and writing to myself. I can always rest tomorrow since I have nothing on myschedule to do anyway. Well this blog is going to cover a few things that I really need to dig around in for awhile. I need to deeply work out some stuff that happened this past evening. I had tears and I had blasing raging anger toward what I had learned. But a true friend, a new friend kinda pushed me to be more specific about where the anger was really coming from. Some of this I'll talk about in this blog but some of it I can't as I'm waiting to see if I am given permission to talk about because it involves another person of who I care for deeply. Anyway, about yesterday and last evening. I had a really good leisurely day which I spent pretty much all of it online talking and researching some stuff. My son called and thoroughly surprised and thrilled me as he always does when calls. We chatted about alot of different things but then we got onto something that was very bad and frightening that was happing back home. A 73 yr old man living in Fitzroy near my old home and were my children are still living was arrested yesterday on many charges the most important of which was Child Molestation and child abuse. One of the young women who's come forward about her own stories is a kid my son has been friends with since childhood. The daughter of a close friend of mine several years ago. My son told me that his friend had tryed to convey to her mother back then that she didn't like this man and didn't want to be around him. Really, nothing more specific then that. This friend & his wife were frinds the little girls mother and her mother just thought it was a typical teenager's not wanting to be around parents and parents friend. This guy was the Sunday School teacher and the brother-in-law of my former Husbands Brother-in-law. We lived in a very small and old community with many families ties. This man was always strange and formerly a drunk who got religion when he got sober many years ago. We new and met him but never really much associated with him and his wife during the years I lived in the Harbour. Everybody I knew felt he was wierd and really only said hello to him in passing. Well when my son was telling me this he was expressing some anger and comments about what many of the the teens his age would do if this guy got granted bail tommorrow. There is alot of raw anger and distrust in the community about this.and what other girls were messed up by him years ago and maybe even in the recent past. Raw anger and revenge issues going on there. Alot of stuff has happened within that community over the almost 25 yrs I live there but nothing a dramatic as this will become. On top of that I spoken with my mom and my discussion with her was not too good. She expressed concern about me being so open with a friend I'd met in 'cyberspace'. She doesn't agree with what I'm doing and is fearful that some bad thing will come my way because of it. This makes me mad. My brother expressed these same concerns to me last week. I know what I'm doing. I know how to protect myself. I'm well aware of bad things that can and do occur over the millions of bits & bytes that travel in cyberspace. I am careful and discreet were discretion is needed. And to add insalt to injury when I began talking about something important to me and probably a little discomforting to my mom she quickly excused herself from the call because a program about Donald Trumps latest last screwup or whatever was coming on and she wanted to watch it. I quickly but rather gruffly said goodbye, hung up the phone and promply started to cry in frustration. So now 2 things were affecting me. I reached out to my friend in 'space' and she most definitely felt my anger by what I had fired off in writing. She asked me questions and really pobed me to identfy just exacly where the anger was coming from. It took me alot of responses and gibberish replys before I found myself spewing out some things that I have talked to her about before but was still struggling with. I was really affected what finally came out of me. But as is with most of this type of revelation time had run out for another evening. We signed off for the night. So here I am trying to work it all through. You know you can deana. You have the tools within your reach to do this. I know you want this resolved within yourself sometime durring this night. Exhaust yourself, don't give up on yourself ...for sure don't allow your old methods to worm themselves into this. You know you can do it if done right and you for sure know how to do it right. Just keep on this path and allow me to help you get on with it. Keep your faith and your new found trust within yourself deana....your work thus far is your guiding lite......Trust faith new growth within are what will keep you afloat. I love you deana your work will utimately be your salvation..............
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