The wonders of confessions....

I had absolutely no intention of writing this stuff in the blog. It's so personal and so revealing. I am very shocked that this is were I've found the courage to reveal this. Believe me when I say that this kind of thinking was very much what had shapped my existence over so many years. I am truely at a terrifying crossing within my life. But I really am feeling that this is where I need to be, right now in order to reach the happiness I so need and want within my life. I'm not feeling any of the shame or wierdness that I also thought and beleived I would if I talked about these feelings. A feeling of lightness is right now within me. A Feeling of pride and accomplishment is with me. These are feelings that although not foreign to me but certainly never within this context are quite beautiful. I'm so encouraging myself to keep on going, keep on believing in even more potential for growth. My mood is so in tune with the weather here today. Georgeously bright and warm, leaves falling from their branched swirling and twirling in such majesty and playfulness. Simply a beautiful enchanting Fall day. So wonderful. Please take whatever you wish from the following. If you identify, great and if not thats OK too.......


Thank you for your honesty about yourself and your experience. We are certainly NOT unique and I'm more possitive now than ever that growing up differemt than the 'NORM' is and can be so damagimg to a kids self belief and esteem. There is something that I really didn't touch on but did not want to put in the blog was that I really hated being a girl so much that I often fantisized about actually being a boy and later on in life a man. These kinds of thoughts were not just fleeting images but deep within my phsyc. This was a double edged sword because it mixed alot of emotions deep within. This was long before I new or understood anything about Transgendered people...long before really anyone did. All of these thoughts were freeflowing in my head only. Never did I think that others might have these kind of thoughts. Well when I was so blatently asked if I was thinging about actually transitioning , which I wasn't, It shocked me so much to hear words from someone else outside of my head and my reality. I began to panic and really began to think just how 'fucked up' I really could be. Sorry about my language but thats where I was at the moment. Scared, confused, thinking that could really be a freak of nature,....These types of conversations have gone on for many many years with myself.....and quite frankly I'm sick and tired of it all. This is why I'm working so hard to love and charish me, to set myself free once and for all, to do everything within my power to rid myself of all the self loathing I have piled on me for so many many years. I'm really really hoping that putting this stuff into words is the right path on this journey ..... Keeping the faith is the only way to help me achieve what I want and my fiaith is strong and getting stronger every daty. ... thanks for letting me 'dump' this on you....You are and have been my miracle ... THANK YOU !

My wish in life is that everyone has the oportunity to find and recognize their own miracle person !!!