Menopause - I'm terrified of what's to come

I'm  there but not quite there. I'm scared but look forward to it ending. My mood swings a drastic, dramatic and so sudden that I'm getting caught up in deep dark places I don't want to be in. There are only a couple of woman friends that I've been able to converse with but not in the way I want to. These sudden mood swings are scaring me. The constant and sudden tears I'm shedding is exhausting me. The more frequently period cycles are draining me. I was a very late started, 14 or 15 so I'm worried that the ending is going to be long and difficult on me. I know there is potential for my various meds to be affected by all the hormonal stuff going on. I'm very concerned with my Depression meds being messed up. I'm affraid of alot of things. I've finally reached to good place with my life and am very fearful of losing what I've worked so hard to get. I know I'm whinning but I really can't help myself. These mood swings seem to be coming so fast and so deep. I'm really starting to fucking nervous about when or how it's going to end. I want a pill or procedure to end this whole thing now. Not tomorrow, not next month or next year but right NOW. I'm impatient and have been waiting for this for many long, difficult years. My head or mind is screaming. I feel like screaming and shouting and spewing these thoughts from the roof tops of here, there, everywhere ANYWHERE.....I need closure, I need finalization, I need confirmation, I JUST NEED something. Just right now, right this minute this second I need what I know I can't have. I'm pissed, I'm angry, I feel the unfairness, rightly or wrongly that woman have been made to suffer so many more indignities than men that I feel jaded and jipped and slapped about just because I'm a woman. All my rage at being a girl over the years seems to be spewing from every pore of my body. My mind is racing so fact I can't keep up with written words. Good bad thoughts are flying so fast I can't catch them in time. I really messed up tonight with all this shit. I've allowed myself to let this happen. I did't plan it or want it but I didn't remove myself from it either. I keep coming to the proper solution but I just bring myself around and around this viscious circle, Even now this very moment I don't stop....why why Why WHY. What do I get out of this. Do I feel more comfortable or more safe in this sick weird headspace? I'm smart enough to know this but obviously stupid enough not to stop it. Is this just my hormones tripping? My lonliness overtaking me? My self doubt or low self esteem fighting for control. Do I really need a therapist with this or should I at least give this more intensive thinking?Where is this going .... I NEED HELP - I'm thinking what I should be doing. What I need to do.....thinking thinking thinking pondering whinning laughing crying I want to be held, to be soothed and coddled and to be told I love you....I want what I don't have, can't have must have GOD I HURT - HELP ME GOD....pleazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzeeeeeeeeeeeee..............