My daugter just called and asked me if I'd heard from my son about what had happened to her dad/my Ex. Immediate panic. Their dad is a volunteer firefighter and has been the source of fear and panic for all of us whenever he gets called out. Don't know how full time firefight families deal with the stress it can cause. Anyway, a page came in that there was a call at their neighbors across the street. He was home and immediately ran over to the neighbors house and went in calling out his name. Usually they race to the firehall first to get trucks and gear. Anyway, he found the neighbor DEAD . This man had not been seen since last week. Not sure but I think he died sometime over the weekend. A young man in his early 40's it's is believed at this time had been drinking and may have passed out and gotten sick. Died of his own vomit. This, I'm sure, must have been terribly horrifying for my ex. I know my kids are very upset. I had met this man when he moved into the village a number of years ago when I still lived there. My Ex has witnessed alot of sudden death in the village of friends and neighbors over the years, some natural but some very horrifyingly not natural. It never gets easier or routine for anyone. I hope my Ex has some help in dealing with this. The Dept. is usually very good in providing it if requested.
What this episode has brought back for me are all the years I of torture my kids experience and all the nights of panic phone calls from them when they found their Dad gone in the middle of the night if they awoke suddenly awoke from a bad dream or loud scary storms or just the dog barking at some unseen person walking by their house. Especially my very young son. He would be crying and scared thinking his Dad was injured in a fire or car accident. My daughters were older and didn't often get scared but there were times. I spend many a sleepless night with one or more kids on the phone trying to console them as best an absentee parent could. Many many tears and fits of anger on my part. I could NEVER EVER convince my husband to take the 2 seconds to wake my oldest child to let her know that he was called out. Simple, or so I thought. Not doable so my husband believed. When the page came in he immediately went into rescue mode and took off. He at times would even do this when my kids had their young friends spending the night for sleepovers. I tried and tried in vain to impress upon him that should anything happen to the house or kids while he had left the house that his life and the kids lives could possibly be ruined for life. I seemed so straight forward and unquestionable to me but for some reason not too him. Of course this caused many many arguments and such rage within me. But I could never get him to see what I saw. A disaster just waiting to happen. He always said/believed I was an extreme worrier and pessimist. I always countered with for a man so caring and loving of his own children how could he place them in such danger. There was never a winner in these arguements. My only saving from grace was that all my kids finally reached the ages of understanding and adulthood. They still worry whenever he's called out but understand that this is part of him and who he is. For me, I've moved far enough away so as not to worry anymore so deeply. I no longer have that fiercely protective mama bear need that all mothers have of their young. Not that I don't worry cause I'll always worry for them but I accept their maturity and repect their feelings for both me and him. I do feel better for writing this out but I'm also realistic in that these feelings will always be within me and I'll always fear for my children should something drastic happen to their father. I still have deep feelings for him....He's my friend and thier dad. I've certainly become much better over the years because my kids are no longer kids. They're mature and very well adjusted young adults. If I keep those kinds of thoughts close to my heart I know I'll be OK with whatever may happen in my, theirs and his futures.....
What this episode has brought back for me are all the years I of torture my kids experience and all the nights of panic phone calls from them when they found their Dad gone in the middle of the night if they awoke suddenly awoke from a bad dream or loud scary storms or just the dog barking at some unseen person walking by their house. Especially my very young son. He would be crying and scared thinking his Dad was injured in a fire or car accident. My daughters were older and didn't often get scared but there were times. I spend many a sleepless night with one or more kids on the phone trying to console them as best an absentee parent could. Many many tears and fits of anger on my part. I could NEVER EVER convince my husband to take the 2 seconds to wake my oldest child to let her know that he was called out. Simple, or so I thought. Not doable so my husband believed. When the page came in he immediately went into rescue mode and took off. He at times would even do this when my kids had their young friends spending the night for sleepovers. I tried and tried in vain to impress upon him that should anything happen to the house or kids while he had left the house that his life and the kids lives could possibly be ruined for life. I seemed so straight forward and unquestionable to me but for some reason not too him. Of course this caused many many arguments and such rage within me. But I could never get him to see what I saw. A disaster just waiting to happen. He always said/believed I was an extreme worrier and pessimist. I always countered with for a man so caring and loving of his own children how could he place them in such danger. There was never a winner in these arguements. My only saving from grace was that all my kids finally reached the ages of understanding and adulthood. They still worry whenever he's called out but understand that this is part of him and who he is. For me, I've moved far enough away so as not to worry anymore so deeply. I no longer have that fiercely protective mama bear need that all mothers have of their young. Not that I don't worry cause I'll always worry for them but I accept their maturity and repect their feelings for both me and him. I do feel better for writing this out but I'm also realistic in that these feelings will always be within me and I'll always fear for my children should something drastic happen to their father. I still have deep feelings for him....He's my friend and thier dad. I've certainly become much better over the years because my kids are no longer kids. They're mature and very well adjusted young adults. If I keep those kinds of thoughts close to my heart I know I'll be OK with whatever may happen in my, theirs and his futures.....
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