WOW ..... I had a great time yesterday....busy but good. Just the type of day I charish when they come my way. My denturist apt was screwed up but the day was sunny and I didn't let it bother me so I went home. Weather was good enough to take my scooter to the hospital for the afternoon and then when my volunteer shift ended I scooted over to my most favourite place to shop - Walmart. The prices are so right for my budget limitations. Got a few things there, especially nice comfy sweatpants which I've needed for a long time and am just very fussy about the kind. Scooted home, now getting a lot colder and damp but whatever. Had time for a quick dinner then off to the Ginger Basket to hear a singer. The Ginger Basket is a really funky book store owned by a neat woman who is Lesbian. It sort is a place where very artistic people tend to frequent. It is also a tiny restaurant which serves fresh natural food. Anyway, I was introduced to her by my brother when I first moved here. Basically she kinda helped me to get in touch with the small lesbian community in the City. From that point of contact I have gotten quite involved with the LGBT communith where ever and when ever I can. I'm so thankful. Well, coming back to last night I made it over to the basket and help a little with setting some things up. As people started arriving I had introduce myself to the performer. A very sociable young woman, about 27yrs old. We really had a good talk about stuff and then it was time for her to get started. Well, to say the least by the end of her first song I was totally hooked. Incredible voice, incredible range, fantastic lyrics and a clarity of voice that I was able to follow the songs content. Something I've had trouble with always. I love the music and am quit appy with just instrumental but rarely also hear the real words with clarity. Her singing is somewhat lile Joanie Mitchels with I also very much like. Well, after 2hrs of a blistfull envening it came to an end as all good things must. Got home, not tired, played her 2 cds and fell in love even more with all the instruments in each song....a wonderful surprise. Then unfortuneately I got really quite ill for several hours before I could lay down to sleep. Probably about 3am...but still feeling a blissful peace.
My thoughts today....are all over the place and no place....I know I'm attempting to avoid some thougts that need more attention...I'm procrastinating which I'm very good at doing. But I'm not accomplishing anthing else either and I know thats not a good thing. Sooooo......where am I with my thoughts on sexuality, more appropriately my own and where are these thouhgts leading me. I stilldon't know and I still am freeking a little though not nearly as much. A good friend as me some very poignant questions that gave me food for thought and suggested some stuff that might be closer to the truth of me than anything else I've thought of. She pointed out something quite profound that maybe if I find someone that I can related to on an intimate and thought filled relationship that most everything else needed or require will naturely fall into place however nature or instinct might take things. Its the age old situation of putting the cart in front of the horse sort of thing. I don't know. That seems the right thing but impatience and longing keep me so flustered and frustrated that I loose site of stuff. I begin to freak myself into a panic frenzy and rashley make decisions about things that I shouldn't do so quickly or publicly....I'm trying to justify these things intellectualy instead of emotionly. I've always been so goddamned demanding of answers or guidance or whatever instead of just living life as it comes and accept whatever it is....I'm getting too phylosophical which I tend to do when I really don't know what I'm talking about or doing.....Must leave this search for another day... much more thinking to be done.....I'm really quite proud of you deana in that you're allowing both of us to take time to mull over and chew this thing for sometime instead of our usual habit of snap decisions and actions....You know this is something that requires alot of time and thought to see if a result can be reach that we both can live with. I'm think we are really getting a lot closer to merging my outer and inner self into ones own totally self ?1?!?!
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