I've been quite content and happy for quite a few days now. When this happens I begin to wonder when the door will come banging down to shatter such happiness. I don't want this to happen cause I'm really really liking why I'm so happy these days. I just melt when Kris and I see each other via skype, Even though I know that these interactions are to be few and far between it is so wonderfully fulfilling during the time we are together this way. But within my lifes experiences I can't seem to function so well unless my life is in kaos....I don't know how to stay happy for any length of time. I want to, god I so want to but I just seem to fall back into this area where I seem to want to be in. My therapist is trying so hard for me to itentify mind over mood situations that we can start to address but I can't seem to do what she asks of me. I've research it all and seem to understand what I need to do but when it actually comes to doing it I seem to not be able to accomplish it. If I don't I know she will not allow my therapy with her continue and I don't want that to happen. But here again, I'm practically sabotaging it all. Fuck I'm getting myself worked up right now so I need to stop here. Maybe tonight or tomorrow I will have some scenarios to record and will be able to feel like I'm doing what I need to be doing. FUCK it, I know I'm not.....shit shit shit
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