I'm Good despite my Fears

Well I am very firmly off that rollercoaster and I'm feeling much better. More so than I was expecting. After a very short cry and some self talk I got on to doing the things I'd plan on doing. And since yesterday morning I believe this is working out this way because I finally listened to everything and finally realized that nothing, absoulutely nothing, could or would come of  this relationship. I was finally made to realize that the end reult would hurt me so much more 6-8 months from now than it would if it ended now. Even though I vehemently fought this within myself, Kris and a few other very good and close friends convinced me that I had to separate my emotions from Kris and I slowly came to realize that I could not continue the way I wanted to. Kris also came to this understanding as well. My hope and Kris's hope is that we both come through this part of our Journey and eventually become the very deep friends we started out being. The connection  we have is so unique for each of us that I can't imagine living my live without Kris being involved in it in some form or another. I know Kris feels exactly as I do. So I'm headed into yet another weekend, boring as that is to me, I'm looking forward to doing a bunch of things around my apartment, reading and watching movies and to just feel good. Interesting but alot of my MS and pain issues of the last week seem to have settled down alot. Maybe it really was being caused primarily to the stress I was under about Kris. I won't feel like the 'mistriss' that I so badly felt like a week ago. I guess what I'm saying here is that with all the stress gone, all the aches and pains pretty much gone, feelings of horrible loneliness gone I am setting myself up to hopefully have a relaxed, and somewhat stress free week. Now wouldn't that be novel. Looking forward to  successding.....I will send Kris a copy of this in a couple of days so she will continue to not have to concern herself with me. Keep being generous and gentle with yourself and look for joy and happiness deana wherever and whenever you can. Try hard to keep your heart and mind open to whatever may cross your path.