This Rollercoaster Ride Has finally come to a STOP

I don't know. I just don't know. I wish I had a friend here that I could just be with and to let my vulnerabilities show. To be hugged by and consoled and to hear her say it's ok. To do something with, to go out and have fun with and to help me get out of my head and into this world. But alas, there is no one here. I have to do this on my own as I know I need to do anyway. Kris and I spent the last hour and half typing out how to get to a place that will work for each of us with the least amount of pain. There is no solution without pain. Be both know this. We were honest about everything as usual. So here's what the final result ended up being. We have decided, really she decided because I just couldn't, that we must terminate communication until she can get the major issues in her life cleared up. We both acknowledged that our talks were very much interfering with things that required her direct attention. We both shed tears and expressed the fears ot losing touch. I swore alot which is my instinctual way of verbally handling stress and strain. She needs time and I need to find some friends. I guess my biggest fears are that given time she'll begin to forget her needs for me, She'll begin to see that I am not the confidant she thought she needed. She will be able to take the things she learned from me about love and being loved and intimacy that she has so lacked within her own existence and find what she needs. We both know and have known this is the proper and healthiest way to do things. We both know that I need to find women here at home on  my own to befriend and begin healthy friendships with. I also need to flower and flourish with the gifts Kris has given me as well. So, my friends, this roller coast just might be coming into a smooth final end of the ride. Maybe, just maybe, I might have hung in or hung on long enough to glide into the end of the ride. Surely I can't say for sure but you know what I'm feeling ready. Ready to try. Ready to step out of the car and stand firmly on my own two feet and walk into what - the sunset, no too silly. But maybe, just maybe fearlessly into the big unknown and bravely start making my own trail to tred .... Wouldn't that be a wonderful and happy way to end one journey and begin a new one...Don't let yourself worry to much when you stumble and fall because you will deana. Get up, dust yourself off and start  again. I sure hope so...My heart and soul knows that is what I want and need to do....So HERE I GO WITH COURAGE AND GRACE .... wish me well deana. It's time, your time, to take control of yourself and your time to be happy....MOVE ON BABY JUST KEEP ON KEEPING ON