Lots on my mind as usual

The roller coaster I was on before I'm really not interested in getting on it again. BUT I am so very in love with Kris and it feels so right and I know that we will eventually meet someday that I don't want things to change....We both know we love each other but we also  know that there are god only knows so many obstacles in our paths. I spoke on the phone with her for over 2 hrs this afternoon and loved every friggin second. We laughed, we talked of serious issues that we needed to have clarity on. I just so so so much want to be able to keep pleasing her. She does not want to go back into our fantasy union as we once so enjoyed. She just can't go there right now and I do understand her reasons and so totally respect her wishes on this difficult tender area. I so want to please her and make her happy and give her smiles but it is so damned hard with this distance between us. I ache to be with her. To lose myself in her eyes. There are just so many romantic feelings I have that I know she also has that just pull at me constantly. I know I've said this before but I can't say it enough in that I've never felt this way ever for another human being, man or woman. I thought I did but my God was I so incredibly wrong. I know now what love should be and can be. My heart has finally been opened to accept another into it and to really properly give with total honesty and abandon like I`ve never ever before been able to. Why Lord or Universe have you put us in this possition. What are you wanting us to learn or to do. We understand you want us to help each other in ways others have not been able to but the rest is such a mystery and this can and does hurt us somewhat. I hope that somehow you will be able to show us what it is you want us to learn and take from our connection. There is absolutely no shred of doubt in my being in this and I am very very grateful for meeting Kris and being able to make the most beautiful most wondrous most entertaining and intriguing friend I`ve ever made and will ever make. Thankyou Universe for these gifts you`ve provided....I love her and I love love .....Wow .... such a supreme WOW