March 15/13

God why do people have to hate one another. Why does divorce have to be so god damned hateful and blame filled. I went through alot of those feelings so many years ago myself but I know I was extremely lucky in that my X and I were able to remain friends but that was not easy for sure. It was very hard but both He and I were of one mind in that our separating was not going to affect or hurt our 3 children if we could manage that. A decade later and we survived and our children also survived. Other families have not been as lucky. One or both parents weren't or couldn't do it without so much hatred and anger that the kids could not do anything without it affecting them. I am such a believer that human beings are not meant to make for life. That as time and experiences change us there is no way but for a few wonderfully lucky ones to survive a life long marriage. Peaple grow and change and experience lifes challenges and pains and joys at differing rates and times and mature into life differenctly. Even if I did not come to realized and accept that I was gay I so know that my marriage would, could never last. If we had not been blessed with the birth of our children I'm so possitive they marriage would never have lasted as long as it actually did. I regret so many of my youthful decisions and I accept how much I hurt other people but that was how I managed life as I knew it and I am here today on this journey, I so believe, because of a power much higher and more knowing than I could ever hope to be. Life is such a mystery of so many curves and rollercoaster ups and downs I am only barely just now beginning to accept it all. A friend is just entering the very horrible and painful stage of her marriage breakdown and eventual divorce. Only now is the potentail for anger and punishment and payback really starting to rear its ugly and terrifying head. Added to all the pain and suffering is her realization and need to embark on a gay lifestyle and his anger towards her 'breaking up' the family and marriage. He is unable to accept the reality that it takes 2 to make a marriage and 2 to break it. They both have issues that have always been there but not addressed before the recent past. The big white elephant in thier house lived with them for many many years but now the elephant has made it's presence know and refuses to be igmored once and for all. One is acting the martyre the other taking all the blame when in fact both have been to blame. One care for the other a great deal but can no longer live a lie the other wants to continue living the lie mistakenly believing its best for their child. That is so so so wrong and so much more dangerous and hurtful to a child once they begin to realize that they are living in a totally loveless household with 2 people that no longer want or can't share a life together amicably and lovingly. From my experiences over the years of growing up with kids living in loveless homes they in turn grow into adults and end up having children and have very difficult marriages most of which end up in divorce. Kids need the nurturing and love of both parents and need to feel that love and see that love daily. They also need to see their parents disagree and fight and that when that happens they also need to see and wittness that the parents can resolve their arguements and spats and show their children how it's done and that it can and does turn out good for everyone. I just so hate watching people that can't get along stay together and cause each other so much hurt when it doesn't have to be that wey. I wish people could leave their egos at the door and do what's right. I hurt so much when I see such disfunctional families....I'll continue with this tommorow before I really let my anger and frustrations take control over me