March 21/13

Haven't written anything for a couple of days but alot has and hasn't happened. So what else is new eh. Nothing has happened this week since the weather has been cold and snow filled. Not really to spring like or a least not at all like this time last spring. It was short a suntan weather on this day last year but more snow and cold for a bunch more weeks yet so they, who ever they are, say. Tomorrow I'm going to try to get up real early and take my scooter up to the hospital to see my councellor but I really think theres not much to continueing. Maybe, as some think, I'm quiting and running again but I think that I'm just who I am and will continue to be the periodic basket case and emotional cripple I've always been. Who knows what is the right thing to do. All I know is that I just don't want to cry anymore. I'm sick of crying and feeling hurt and not loved. This is what it is. Me just feeling bad about my life and very sad that I'm still so alone. I do know what Love feels like now but not person to person. I do know what pleasing myself feels like but that's only happened a few wonderful times. Once even without any added toy, just by my own hand and mind which had never ever happened before. I am trying very hard to maintain a friedship what I cherrish but keep sabotaging it. I have learned lots and am sure there is so much more to learn. Nothing is ever going to feel totally complete and totally right as I know we are all works in progress until we take our last breaths. I will always wonder and hope for a better tomorrow than was today or yesterday and Keep reminding myself that I'm OK and I'm loved by many and that there will be friends to support me should my MS become more problematic over the years and just maybe I'll experience real true and passionate love with another equally passionate woman someday in my future. Deana theres years and years of life ahead of u and your compassionate ways will keep allowing you the opportunities to meet woman that are intelligent, fun, caring and loving towards others. Keep your faith deana because God will direct you towards those that will shine in your life.....live, love, laugh and in all kinds of deffering order......