April 11/13 Where do I stand within the Universe ???

I have not been able to post anything about me and my existence for quite a while now. I wish I could have done so as many things have happened during this time that's passed me by. I'm not into in depth writing right now but will say that I'm so fucking sick and tired of this long lasting winter and what affects it's had on my emotions and life in general. My MS has been giving me alot of grief. Lots of discomfort and pain like I haven't had experienced over the last three or four years. Both my legs and my arms are grieving me and at times painfully so. Most times it's just bloody annoying and frustrating. Not getting out too much has also had great impact on my emotions. I'm still painfully struggling with the deep and meaningful friendship of a person that I also love deeply but it can't be pursued. I again kind of broke down yesterday quite badly and cryed alot because of these sad sad feelings of such isolation and loneliness. It ever their might have been a chance to show my love, ever so briefly to this woman face to face I'm more convinced now than ever that I have pushed her beyond her limits and that this will NEVER be. Oh we will remain great friends, of that I'm sure, but I'm also sure that there will Never be anything more. I really wonder how badly I'll feel or react when the time does come that she's found someone and starts to drift away. I know that it will be bad and that I'll hurt and most likely cry alot but there's nothing I can do other than deal with it. Enouph of that depressing stuff. Here's something new for me that I'm very excited about sharing. I have been turned onto many books as I want to learn more about Spirituality and more important what it all means and how my life is intertwined. I've been reading the first book and it's so fantastic that just about every friggin paragraph I read I identify with oh so completely and deeply. I'm excited about learning more and more and have never ever been as excited about anything this profoundly. I only read at night before I'm ready to sleep and with what I read it puts me in a wonderful place of wonder and content. I am so hoping that this excitement stays deep within as I continue to travel down this journey. I've always wanted to delve further into such things but I'm realizing I wasn't near ready to go there like I seem to finally commit myself to this deep learning and discovery. I pray to the universe to guide me and help me to find my spritual contract and to keep moving forward and onward to complete what is my destiny.....For this, I am truely very grateful.. Yippee .... I finally feel some purpose within my existence.