April 13/13 Saterday All day long

It's early Spring here and looks and feels like a very late fall day with a mixture of Rain, sleet and snow. A real Lousy cold day and it is one that makes the soul feel so down and depressed. As already explained so many times in the past weekends are so so very boring for me as I don't have a life outside of these four walls but I'm trying to be up and to be possitive. For the most part I am quite successful of maintaining this attitude but boy oh boy it is hard after such a long long winter. As I stated a few days ago I want to pursue this journey of finding myself and expanding my knowledge of Spirituality but I know also that I need help in this pursuit of happiness and understanding. I know I'm on the verge of something bigger than me and know too that I want and need to discover what is my destiny and what my purpose in this life is. Those things, I know, are there for me and have been predetermine long before I walked this earth but I'm kind of scared about it all. I'm scared that I can't or won't succeed and that I'll walk away. I don't want to and am going to keep doing my best to succeed. I know I've been ever so slowly and gently pushed to get to where I am today and so want to see and understand where I'm being led to. I'm both excited and scared with all the accompanied emotions. I just have to keep reaffirming within my conscious being that this journey is where and what I'm to follow so I will follow it even though at times I'll want to quit. You won't deana because you know that you must stay focused and keep moving forward. Today is the first day in a few weeks that I am actually feeling better. Just a few minor aches in one shoulder and I hardly really notice it. Will continue to hope and pray that this continues in the right direction and just maybe this MS attack is finally heading back into remission. Yahoo, my spirit is good and happy with everything today.....Keep on keeping on DJ and things can't or won't keep you down !!!