May 12/13 I did it....I finally did it & pray that I stick with it

Well the deed has been done. My American friend finally skyped me. But when we connected she had not recieved my email of last night. The email address I sent it to wasn't working so she gave me another one and I resent the file. I said she could connect back after she had read it but she wanted to read it while we were connected since she didn't have much time. She was kind of upset that I had called her home phone last night and got her husband on the line as she had gone to bed alot earlier. I asked her how that went as I know he is very controlling and a jerk to boot. She said he was angry and demanded to know who I was which I'm sure she must have lied to cover my real identity . By this point I really didn't care and made some snide comment. I was never to call their home number but as I said I needed to get her attention which I did finally. I shut up and let her read my words and absorb their meaning. We talked a bit and I was being strong and I didn't start to cry until the silence became to much to bear. I covered my face behind my hands and began to sob and managed to choke out a few words before I abruptly disconnected the connection. I sobbed uncontrollably for about 10 minutes before getting a grip. I went out and smoked several cigarrets and quietly reflected but the tears ended then and I have not had anymore since. I know that there will be more than likely several episodes over the next few weeks. I expect this but am OK with it. I spent the evening eliminately everything I could on FB that either showed me pictures or conversations I had had with her. My daugter will help me find and trash everything else. I love my daugter for helping to get through and I will contact her if and when ever a weak spell hits me and I want to contact Kris. I am grateful for her help. It is now Sunday morning and I'm actually quite good but still smoking. I will be attacking the smoking problem as soon as I hear back from the Wellness Clinic and get the much needed help to fight this and stop. I did it for almost a year and can and will do it again...I am determined to get it done!!! It's mothers day and already all 3 kids have called me and wish me a Happy Mothers Day. My spirits are high because of all of them. I will be heading out this afternoon to my parents with a pot of Mums for my Mom and a visit with her and my dad. So with that I will get this posted and revisit my blog tonight again. eliminating all emals, files, FB connections, kelsey will help me eliminate everything,