May 16/13 Struggling but getting by

Yesterday was difficult. Saw my councellor and cryed alot but it was a good session. She is really helping me to understand alot of things like abandonment issues and why I push people away from me and many other related things. She had to bring me back into focus when I wasn't allowing her to talk and she was feelig that I wasn't listening. This is a problem I've always had and she is extremely good a challenging me on it. So we started making progress once I shut my bloody mouth and really listened to her and answered her honestly and to the best of my ability so in the end it was a very good session. We will meet again in two weeks time which makes me feel better because I told her 3 or 4 weeks was too long and she accomodated me. I would have prefered it to be weekly but she is off for a while and that's OK. I'm still smoking but tonight is the night I'm going to stop. I have the patches and will be starting the process from scratch. This morning I saw my GP and the pains in both my upper arms is Rotar Cup Tendenitis. A very common occurance. Since I can't afford to see a physiotherapist He found an online site that will help demomstrate the exercises to help deal with this issue. I was glad he took the time to find something for me and printed off the web site for me to go to. So, at least I know that it's not my MS or the beginnings of Arthritis which I'm sure will develop in time as it falls under the Autoimmune system which mine has been compromised with the diabetes and MS. My depression is lifting and although hard I know I will get through this and have also been doing the things I've been asked to do and what I've been trained to do. So the day is bright and sunny and fairly warm and I just got back from a scooter run and feel refreshed and quite good and happy. Keep your faith strong deana and things will be good. Tomorrows another day and it's off to do my Volunteer shift up at the hospital and I always like that.....be gentle with us deana and we will survive this latest journey into despair and darkness. The light is getting brighter at the end that tunnel and will burst through soon. I love u deana, I really really do....