May 18/13 So lonelyl....

I've given up my friend and now I have no one left to talk to. I've attempted to contact her even though I said I would not. I've been checking her FB page and saw the cutest picture of her son climbing up a rock wall. I miss his escapades and I miss his mom so very much. Fuck fuck fuck...I l want to talk with her. I've been conspiring to make new boundariesl, but I know I always break boundaries. I know lmy councellor will have all kinds of things to say about this behaviour but she is not here when my loneliness reaches depths that are so unbarrable. I doubt that my friend will contact me anyways since I make it so clear as to why I had to cut her off. I at least have stopped the smoking which does make me feel pretty good but I am sad and lonely and really want a friend to talk with. I went to see my parents for a brief visit and enjoyed the scooter ride very much. Bad weather is coming for the next several days so I guess I'll be house bound for a while. I WANT TO TALK WITH MY FRIEND BUT I CAN'T....facing another night without speaking words....pretty shitty but not too much I can do about it....