May 27/l1l No sleep at all last night but many many interesting Revelations

Wow I so don't know where or how to begin today. I pray the universe gives guidance on how to proceed. I don't want to say or do anything rash or without deep thought. I don't want to hurt or anger anyone but I know without a shaddow of a doubt that I need to confront this and not let it go unchallenged or defended. For some reason when I'm caught up in no sleep deep thoughts and revelations seem to take hold....this has been both good and bad for me. some times sinking me into deep dark depressions but at other times I'm really surprised. I have realized that it just may not be all my fault in the previous issues I've had with my Friend. I kept jotting down so much stuff over the night that somewhat seems to make alot of sense to me. Yes I was to blame for renegging on boundaries before and yes I could not cope with certain things that were happening within her life and yes I was and will always be to some significant degree in love with the ideal of her personna. But after really really digging deep within myself I more clearly see a series of patterns within her that makes me think some other things now. I wrote an awful lot of points down early this morning that I really want to discuss with her. Not in any accusatory way but in an open and honest discussion way with her. It's something I want her to see some things from my persplective not just from her perspective. I don't want to sacrifice anything I just want a clear open honest tranfer of ideas and thoughts that may or may not be invoked in either of us. Its the honest discussion I have always wanted within our friendship and I truely hope that she is able to see it as it is intended to be asl well. I'm scared because I know that something this deep can and often does tear friendships apart.This I don't want to have happen and pray that it doesn't but I also know that it may well come to that. I've repeatedly indicated that I want us to actually talk together and not randomly type msg's back and forth over timel because I know that won't work. I also know that this might not actually take place for several more days due to holiday in the US and her some day soon or maybe much later evelntual Ex has such control over her that we'll just have to wait and see....will update later if there's anything to actually report on today....who nows, I sure have no idea when that could be but I'm hopping sooner rather than later........Well I finally heard from my friend after 6pm today land after negotiating with her I think I finally got her to see I wasn't attempting to try and hurt her or make her feel guilty she finally agreed to talk with me early tomorrow morning around 9am. I hope I get some much needed sleep tonight and my aches pains are controllable tonight. I also stood my ground and insisted we talk via Facebook and not type. I said I would talk on the phone but not type what I want to say in some file. I just so hope she takes what I have to say and to her and not be angered or defensive because that is not my intention. I just want her to listen and hear what I'm saying and hopefully open up a line of honest communcation between us. I can only hope that she doesn't chose to take it any other way and be upset or mad with me. I can only hope and pay that we can survive this and remain the friends I so very much want to be with her. It's up to her as I've accepted whatever she chooses to decide. Again, I'll asked the universe to whatch over us and guide us Through and provide me with the right words to get through....until tomorrow then, I sit and wait for whatever comes ourl way......I'm so grateful that she has at least listened so far and is willing to listen again tomorrow....I so care for u my friend....