May 3/13 Holding it togetherl

A beautiful Friday spent doing my Volunteer Shift up at the Hospitall today. Not too busy but nice enoughl. Was in a happy smiling mood which always helps espicially with the seniors waiting for whatever procedure or Doctor they are seeing. I really like chatting with Seniors alot and I feel that they like me too. Didn't have a councellor session today but I think do next friday. Today would have been a good day to see her to discuss my American friend and were our friendship is and how the dynamics have really changed. I'm really alot better than I would have been a month or so ago but it is still difficult for me. I'm just not yet so comfortable knowing she has found a woman and a budding relationship. This, of course will impact what we talk about and I'm sure she will no longer be as comfortable with the very open discussions we once enjoyed/ This is a natural progression when one finds a partner to share intimacies and dreans and feelings with. Part of is more OK than I think she thought I might be. Time will deffinitly tell me how this will be. In the interim, I plan to spend more time with my spiritual quest and see where that takes me. I want to end all blogs with a list of things that I am grateful for. I am grateful for the way I was able to conduct myselt with Kris and her news. I am grateful for a really nice & georgous day outside today. I am grateful to be of help up at the Hospitall and to spend time chatting with all the seniors as well as all patients who come for procedures or to Doctor appointments. I am very grateful to be living on my own and no longer being a burden to my parents and not as much as I once was on my brother. So there is an awful lot that I am grateful for in my life as it is today....so different from just a few short years ago when I was totally dependant on others to care for me ..... Life is pretty damned Good even though I'm still alone. It's no where near as bad as I allowed myself to think and believe that it was.