May 5/13 Shit she says but it's OK, really

I'm getting better bit by bit but certainly not as fast as I'd like too. I asked Kris for some time to discuss some things last night and she obliged me. I had her read my blog of yesterdayl as I wanted to discuss it with her. As Always talking things through with her helped me alotl and I was feeling better afterwards, not great but OK. I'm still looking at her girllfriends FB pages and I really hope I stop doing that sooner rather than later because it doesn't help me at all. Although I did figure out she's about 46 which is alot younger than I am. I also discovered that she is a very spiritual person and attends the same CSL church that Kris does. She is athletic and involved in all kinds of things. She really is a wonderful match for Kris and a good person for Kris to be involved with. She was married, as Kris is and I believe she has a couple of Kids as welll to Kris' one child. As I've said before I really am very happy for her and hope her divorce starts moving forward soon. Freedom for Kris from the confines of a dead marriage will only serve her new life so much more. We talked last night how our friendship will continue and that we are both very important to each others lives and that reasures me infinitely. I was so worried that this strong bond would begin to fade and die off. Both of us remain committed to this and want it to survive for ever if that can be maintained. As with everything time will suss out what is meant to be....I would even some day like to meet her friend should the opportunitylarise but I have to discuss this with Kris. Certainly not now but someday maybe. I don't know if kris has let anyone know of me by now...she kept me hidden in the background sort of. I do hope that she explains my connection to Kris to some degree as we have both cherrished complete honesty with each other and I think she should be open and honest with her girlfriend as to how lwe became friends and my total infatuation with her but never ever a threat to her life and well being.....anyways, thats about all for tonight so I'll end with my gratitude list for today: grateful for my brothers help todayl, I'm so grateful for Kris's understanding of my grief and wantkeep ling to hold fast to our friendship, I'm grateful to Tobie, my daughter, for selnding me some good movies to fill lmy time, I'm grateful for the beautiful weekends weather whlich I really really enjoyed .... thats about all for now....so deana, keep yourself centred and keep focussed on keeping my mind and emotions in check....