July 15/13 Hot Humid Day took thoughts far far Away

It was a very very hot and humid day today which might have contributed to letting my mind meander into areas it shouldn't have. I know better than to let this behaviour take hold of me but what the fuck! So it did, so what. No harm done to anyone but myself, right? Well if I really allow myself to see beyond these thoughts it could also harm another person that is near and dear to my heart. My friend is vacationing in RI this week and she went to Boston for the day to meet and see a most incredible Indian lady that left her in total AWE from this experience. An incredible life altering experience for her. I phoned her on her cell as she FB me and asked me to call her so she could tell me all about it. Well, as the day progressed for me I slowly, ever so slowly, to give over to my thoughts of maybe she would have this incredible revelation that I was the person she really loved and that she would tell me this upon our phone conversation. Well I knew better, especially in that she has a girlfriend with which she is very much in love with. I know this and accept this but what the fuck is it that took me to a place that is not mine to go. I want to talk to Kris about this very strange and totally unexpected place today. It bothers me in that I can so easily and unexpectedly go back to a place so fast without any forewarning. It's stupid, it's dangerous, it's crazy and I suppose a whole lot of there things as well. I want to talk to my friend about this but I suppose I'll most likely have to let it slide. Sometimes, if it's really important to me I'll ask her to read my blog but I don't do that much anymore as our lives are so much more different and I'm really trying to stay within our boundaries with each other. I love her friendship so very much and am always afraid of what I might do or say that could ruin it. I've worked so very hard to keep this thing moving forward at all costs. So that's about it. My son turns 18 tomorrow and will be legal to drink in Quebec but not Ontario which is 19. He is really feeling good about this although he's so big he's been hitting the bars over there for a while now anyways. But I remember how old and mature I felt at 18 and being legal too. My oldest daughter told me she and a friend are heading out to Bamff in a couple of weeks to visit another great friend who's working out there for the summer. Should be a lot of fun and partying for them. They've worked together and went to University together. This daughter has so many great friends. I'm happy for her. Well I have a lot of thinking to do and decisions to make over the next few hours....so until tomorrow I must say how grateful I am to all the friends I have in my life who make me feel important and special when I really need their love and support !!!