I had a very thoughtful and I believe good conversation with Kris last night about things that were happening with her yesterday. I believe some of the things I spoke of helped her a lot with her processing all of which had happen to her, both good and not so good things. I like it when two very good friends can be so open and honest with each other and give rise to thinking of things maybe in another way to help with the individual process what is happening with them.
Anyways, the result of last nights conversations really helped me when it came to sleeping. I didn't arise until a little after 10am fully refreshed and excited to start my day. I fired off happy thought msg's to my kids, ex-husband and Kris. I then hopped on my scooter and headed off to the bank. I enjoyed when the sun managed to occasionally peek through the clouds and shine it's beautiful rays down upon me. Back home now and just reading emails, thinking about trying to meditate and feeling so grateful for this day. Right now, I don't hate my boring life and feeling much better about the days ahead. Charging up my batteries on my scooter and maybe heading up to the hospital later to get my 3 monthly blood tests taken for my various Doctors and waiting for my weekly Pills to be delivered.
I hope Kris finds some time later to fill me in on how her day is and I can fill her in on mine. I do love that girl, no in love with her just love her as my trusting wonderful friend. Wow what a difference from many months ago and the growth I've manage to accomplish within my soul. Theres so very much I'm grateful for because of this friendship and the not always gentle guidance I receive from the Universes devine one I called God.
I've just heard from my husband back in Ottawa. Something I've always be afraid for him is now starting to settle in and he's sad and kind of hurting. His whole life has been our children and raising them and loving them beyond anything else. Yes he's had a very good life within his business and artistic life and he has been involved with Volunteer Firefighting and first response rescue. He's even had a very long standing relationship with a woman for the last 9 years or so but nothing compares to his love for our children. I've been worried so much for when this time would finely arrive and have as best I could keep reminding him that he needed a life to be able to handle these deep deep feelings of loneliness when the kids are gone and moving on with their own lives away from home. Well tonight he told me that it is now hitting him hard and painfully. I told him that I'm here for him if/when he needs me and will always be for him. I have always loved this man very much but just not in a wife/husband way and could not live at home when I became so sick and finally accepted that yes I was a gay woman and wanted a gay life even though that kind of life never did come to pass for me. I just so want to be there for him during his time of need now like I was never able to for so many many years of hurt and pain that I caused to and for him. I'm sure we will talk more and more about this as time continues to pass. And I really know that this girlfriend of his would not or ever want to have anything to do to help him through this. She is just not that kind of person and is a very self centred selfish lady right from the beginning of there unnatural pairing. We all have tried over the years, myself and all 3 of our kids, to get Paul to leave their relationship and find someone else that would truly love him for the wonderful man he is but he has always been one to stick to something and take whatever shit is thrown his way. I should know because that is what I did to him and he'd still be with me if I hadn't left him regardless of the circumstances. I just want to be there for him for the rest of our lives If he'll let me. I hope he does!
Kris and I plan to talk more about this later this evening as she knows all about Paul and our history and she has the exact same fears for her soon to be ex-husband and their young clild . I hope it is a good and fruitful discussion for us both......
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