Wow I did not realize I have not entered anything since Christmas. I have had a very difficult and emotional time over the last 6 days and really do not feel like writing anything tonight but know I must to try and capture all that has gone on and the not very nice things that I did. The friendships I had and sort of lost by my hurtful and painful outbursts. God old behaviors in this loneliness I have been feeling have reared their ugly head and may well have hurt my friendship for a long time to come if not forever really. I deserve losing her friendship after what I have done but we did communicate today a bit but I know she is not ready to forgive me even though she says she does. It's a little weird that Carm wouldn't tell where she was going to party tonight. I assumed she went to Katie's party and sure enouph she showed up in a picture that Katie posted. Katie posted a dozen or more pictures on FB from her Gatsby theme party. I just spent the evening watching a movie and checking out my kids FB pages reading many of the comments they and other parties going on. Managed to toast the new year with a pepsi and headed off to bed to read then sleep the night away.
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