Life is moving very fast of late which has caused me many problems that I'm trying very hard to keep on top of. I've had many physical problems, causing me multiple issues, that I'm trying very hard to handle. There have been many emotional instances causing too many tears and I've finally put into place the much needed break from an addiction to someone I have needed to break from for way to long but just couldn't do it. It's been 2 weeks of extreme highs followed by extreme lows. Very turbulent at the best of times but I am getting through it and I am very proud of myself. Hard, yes, extremely so but doable without all the drama that use to be so much a part of my past.
The very highly exciting activities I loved.
The first ever LGBTQ Christmas float was in the Owen Sound Santa Clause parade. Kids, Teens, Adults rode on the float and was totally received by all the people with Smiles, clapping, Thumbs ups. We had an absolute blast with no problems that have occurred in the past when we did something public. There was a bit of fear and by the more senior people that something unpleasant would occur but all were greatly relieved with such positive feedback. Apparently this was a first for Ontario and our group has been asked to participate in Other parades next year. FANTASTIC and so encouraging!
Went to a great intimate concert at the local Book Store Owned by a Lesbian where there are many events held for the LGBTQ community. Kate Reid gave the most fascinating, energetic and hilarious performance. There were about 25 people watching and actively participating in the event. I had a blast and will certainly miss these events when I move to Ottawa.
Went to Rico`s book launch held again at the Ginger Press. His book of poems is his first published book. Rico did some readings that were both theatrical and fun to listen to. I have gone to several of his readings and he has introduced me to a widening range of Artist of different mediums and so many people immersed in the Art Culture of this City. I`ve known Rico for about 3 years as we are both on the Cities Disability Advisory Committee. We worked tirelessly fighting City Hall on the on the Transit issues and started this friendship over time. It`s a wonderful friendship and will be sorely missed when I have to leave.
I Volunteered for a Candidate running for mayor, Ruth Lovel Stanners. Ruth way Mayor for two terms then was defeated in the last Election four years ago by a mere 40 votes or so. Deb Haswell was the mayor of the last 4 years and she basically got caught too many times lying and so needed to be defeated. She was but so was Ruth. I was very disappointed by Ruth losing her bid to be re-elected. I kind of glad to be leaving the City because I believe the new `Mayor, a lawyer, has only been on Council for one term and does not have the necessary experience to run a city that is in dire straits such as this one is. But it is what it is and we`ll just have to watch and wait to see how they jell and what alliances are made.
That difficult things I`ve been experiencing
My MS has been getting worse. It`s still very manageable just difficult. A lot of weakness in my legs and have been falling a lot. It was very embarrassing when my legs totally gave out while grocery shopping one day. I fell against a large metal shelving unit and collapsed to the ground falling into the bottom shelf which was empty. A couple of people came running to help get me up and out of the shelf and then needed some staff to get my groceries because I could not stay up on my legs. They got me a chair to sit on. I was crying, shaking and very upset with what was happening. I had the same problems with my legs the other day. With the snow I`ve had to do a lot of walking downtown to get what I need now. My scooter is in for major repairs and will be put away Until I move to Ottawa.
With the advent of winter cold and snow it is challenging and very difficult for me. I no longer have my scooter available to me. The disability bus is very difficult to get bookings and cab fares are expensive. This is so God damned frustrating but nothing I can do about it except to just persevere as best I can I can to accept it and keep positive.
I finally have cut off communications with the woman I've blogged and blogged about over the last 3 years. We had an evening of very harsh discussion via Facebook and I wrote things that I know, even without response from her, that the end has finally come. This is the absolute first and last time I've been able to make this final break. My addiction/obsession with her is finally over. I don't like the person she has become and the feeling is very mutual. It was coming to a head for a long time now but I just couldn't do it even though I've tried so many times. I Kept crawling back begging for forgiveness and making ridiculous promises so that she would talk with me. Both our lives have changed dramatically over the past year and we just weren't ready or willing to keep this long distance charade going. I'm glad though but there are sudden periods of deep sadness but as the days go by it is lessening. I have to grieve this loss to my life before I can move forward and I know this all to well. I am now prepared and willing due to what I've learned over the past 12 months and now have the tools to be able to work this through for myself. This is very much what I want to accomplish and I am confident that I will accomplish this by staying in the day, the moment and relying on my self-esteem to pull me through. I am very happy with this decision and that I'm finally feeling confident in myself to get the deed done and filed away into the past were it should reside and left alone once and for all.
A busy complicated difficult few weeks I've travelled through. But today I am safe, I am happy and oh so grateful for what I have in my life and the people that are in it still. I am grateful to my Girls understanding where I've come from regarding Kris and that they actually believe me that this is now the time for me to succeed. God only knows how many times I clained that I am done with Kris only to go back on my word and seek her out. This time they've told me that they hear the conviction in my voice and are trusting me to work through this to end it once and for all. I believe this to be so like never ever before,
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