Margo on Wednesday session was good. Talked a lot about my fears and loss of control which seems to be happening a lot since I went home to Ottawa. It still happening a lot now that I'm back home with varying results. Just pretty much hung out by myself with Rocky on Thursday and slept a lot during the day time. Just couldn't really fully wake up and do much of anything. Exhaustion goes hand and hand with MS and it has really affected me a lot lately. Thursday night I went to bed and fell into a very vivid and active dream for an hour or so then woke up for the rest of the entire night. I kept checking my meds but It appeared that I had already taken them and was afraid to double dose myself so kept going back to bed without any luck. Logging into the computer at some point around 3am I was pleasantly surprised to have a msg from someone that I didn't ever expect to hear from again. I read it quickly. Was replying when she suddenly appeared online. We very briefly chatted about out Xmas plans. An email I had sent wasn't received so I cut and pasted it to her Facebook page for her to read. Don't know if she has or not but was very pleased to hear she's doing good and that she once again has broken her ties to her girlfriend. That of course does not surprise me at all as this seems to be their pattern and has happened so many times now. I just hope that maybe she can keep away from this woman long enough to venture out into the gay community and find someone else to spend her time with and meet new and interesting gay women. I believe that doing this would enrich her life and give her the courage to find the life she so richly deserves. I guess time will tell. I silently wish her well on her journey of discovery and self awareness.
Friday morning began with a bang as I had fallen into a fitful sleep for a couple of hours and awoke to a ringing phone suddenly. I had to rush to be ready for my brother as he was coming at 10am to take me shopping to get the last of my Xmas presents. I was in very rough shape and my body was aching miserably all over. We went and he was a supreme help running around getting all that I needed as I could hardly walk with my walker. He brought me home after getting me some groceries, wine presents and a few stocking stuffers for my Parents. He even picked out a gorgeous Pointsetia Plant I wanted for my Parents and delivered it to them later in the day. My brother is a Fantastic Human being and so giving and generous of his time for me. I love him to bits even though we sometimes drive each other nuts.
Once home I realized I didn't take my morning Meds with all the crazy rushing around so I took them, ate something and barely made it to my Bed. That was around noon and I came alive about 3 hours later and forced myself to get up. Still in a lot of pain and discomfort but a little more manageable. I made phone calls and tried cleaning up somewhat. Headed to bed a little after 10pm and ensured I took all my pills. Thank goodness I slept soundly and comfortably until after 7am when Rocky was insistent on waking me up for some food and water.
I was feeling a lot better so decided to call a Cab to head downtown. Went to the Frog Pond Café and was entertained with some wonderful Jazz live. Several other musicians sang with the group. I'm grateful to have been able to go and enjoy myself immensely. I left during the 2nd set to walk all the way across town and do a few errands needing finishing up. I managed to get the disability bus home and am now gratefully resting with a happy heart and Jazz in my soul. A very nice day indeed and so totally unexpected after such a hard day yesterday. This is what taking a day at a time and living openly in the moment. Really took the time to just stop myself and breath in deeply all the fresh air around me and Thank the Universe for what it had provided me today.
Tomorrow I'm headed to my friends for a nice visit and dinner. I'm really looking forward to sharing this time with these wonderful friends. I've really missed sharing time together with my being away last week.
As always I'll end this entry into my Journal with all that I grateful for. I grateful for the message I received from Kris. I am so beyond grateful for my Brother and all he has and continues to do for me. I am grateful that I will be spending Xmas dinner with Mom and Dad. I am so grateful that my younger daughter Tobie has found love with a very nice young Man and has told me about him. I am grateful for the life that I have. It is unique but has so many wonderful moments and these moments far outweigh the difficult times I endure.
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